Persuasive Writing: Tone
In its most basic sense, tone is the quality or expression of sound. Think of the human voice and how we use it to express surprise, anger, happiness, or humor. When we refer to the spoken word, we speak of tone in terms of pitch or intonation or emphasis. These elements can change the interpretation or connotation of a word or sentence.
The most appropriate tone to use when producing any professional writing document is one that is confident, friendly, and professional. But how do you achieve tone in the written word?
It might seem impossible for the written word to possess a tone, but in truth it is not that difficult once you learn what to avoid.
Avoid Negativity & Casting Blame by Being Objective
As a technical writer, you might sometimes be required to deliver negative information to your readers. Think, for example, of the problem section of a recommendation report, which must provide clear and persuasive details in order to prove that a problem truly does exist.
Itās not easy to avoid a negative tone, particularly when you have to pass along negative information. It helps, though, to place yourself in the position of the reader and anticipate a response based upon what youāve written. Will your reader be offended by what you say, particularly if it reflects poorly on them? How can you deliver that negative information in a positive way?
One of the techniques you can use is remaining objective. Although you might feel very strongly about a problem, so much so that you want to point your finger at the persons responsible, letting the facts speak for themselves will be more persuasive than being rude and accusatory. Use facts and figures, survey results, visual evidence, and direct quotations from those affected by the problem to make your case.
| Instead of This | Say This |
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The department isnāt doing enough to help its majors get the classes they need at the times they need them, and it has failed to purchase updated laboratory equipment that students must have if they are going to get anything from this major. -->Text is negative and subjective. Parts in red are disparaging, accusatory, and rude. |
In a random survey of 50 majors, students responded that they would appreciate a broader range of courses offered across a broader range of times. They also indicated their belief that the department as a whole could benefit from new laboratory equipment, specifically the sort of equipment that would provide greater insight into the topics a well-prepared major must know. -->Text is now more persuasive, basing its analysis of the situation on survey results, stressing benefits for the department, and an objective tone. |
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By not caring enough to make all of its older buildings compliant with standards established by the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, Virginia Tech is ignoring the law and showing that it does not have to consider the needs of its students, faculty, and staff. -->Text is negative and subjective. Parts in red are disparaging, accusatory, and rude. |
To ensure that it is providing full accessibility for all students, faculty, and staff who require such accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act, Virginia Tech should consider retrofitting all of its non-compliant buildings. -->Text is now more persuasive, basing its argument on benefits to be gained and on an objective tone. |
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It's unacceptable that more than a third of off-campus students at Virginia Tech often skip at least one meal a day and are forced to go hungry because the out-of-pocket costs for individual meals on campus are so high they cannot afford to eat. -->Text is negative and subjective. Parts in red are disparaging, accusatory, and rude. |
A recent study conducted by Student Services found that 47% of students who live off campus often skip at least one meal per day rather than pay out-of-pocket costs for meals at dining halls. "Even simple meals can be really expensive," one survey respondent noted. "I just can't afford it." -->Text is now more persuasive, basing its analysis of the situation on concrete survey findings, a direct quotation from a survey respondent, and an objective tone. |
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More than half of the classrooms in Randolph Hall are in terrible shape, with leaks and missing ceiling panels. Before it spends money on new buildings, Virginia Tech needs to make sure that the current buildings are fit to hold classes in. -->Subjective phrasing ("terrible shape") makes the text negative. Parts in red are disparaging, accusatory, and rude. |
Out of the 20 classrooms in Randolph Hall, eight have missing ceiling panels (see Figure 3), six have large trash bins placed around to catch leaks, and 12 are affected by extreme heat during the winter months. Although the building is slated for eventual demolition, until that occurs measures should be taken to improve the condition of existing classrooms. -->Text is now more persuasive, basing its analysis of the situation on concrete findings and an objective tone. |
Tone issues donāt end, however, with a discussion of negative expressions. Thereās the little matter of haughtiness we have to consider.
Avoid Jargon in Favor of Plain Language
Some people suffer from the misconception that in order for writing to be considered businesslike or professional, it must use language that is elevated. Itās got to sound official, right, and what better way to do that than to use big, scholarly, āsmartā words? Good technical and professional writing -- particularly that which is public facing -- does not need to rely on fancy language to make its points. Nor should it contain a lot of jargon, specialized language that is particular to a field and used generally only by people within that field.
The principle of plain language puts the lie to those ideas, however. As you have learned or will learn from the information in the Plain Language Module, when you are writing for the public, you need to use simpler, cleaner, easy-to-understand language. The same holds true when you are writing internal documents for those within your department, unit, or company.
| Instead of This | Say This |
| Medicaid: Apply if you are aged (65 years old or older), blind, or disabled and have low income and few resources. Apply if you are terminally ill and want to receive hospice services. Apply if you are aged, blind, or disabled; live in a nursing home; and have low income and limited resources. Apply if you are aged, blind, or disabled and need nursing home care, but can stay at home with special community care services. Apply if you are eligible for Medicare and have low income and limited resources. [1] |
You may apply for Medicaid if you are:
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| This program promotes efficient water use in homes and businesses throughout the country by offering a simple way to make purchasing decisions that conserve water without sacrificing quality or product performance. [2] | This program helps homeowners and businesses buy products that use less water without sacrificing quality or performance. [2] |
| This form will be used by Federal agencies to obtain applicant certification that States which have established a review and comment procedure in response to Executive Order 12372 and have selected the program to be included in their process, have been given an opportunity to review the applicantās submission. [3] | If your State requires an opportunity to review your application, use this form to certify that you have done so. Include the form in your application. [3] |
| Mitigation is the cornerstone of emergency management. Itās the ongoing effort to lessen the impact disasters have on peopleās lives and property through damage prevention and flood insurance. Through measures such as, building safely within the floodplain or removing homes altogether; engineering buildings and infrastructures to withstand earthquakes: and creating and enforcing effective building codes to protect property from floods, hurricanes and other natural hazards, the impact on lives and communities is lessened. [4] |
Protect your community from natural disasters!
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Write to your readers, not above them and not below them.
[1] "Medicaid Eligibility." Examples: Before and After. plainlanguage.gov. Available: https://www.plainlanguage.gov/examples/before-and-after/medicaid-eligibility/ Links to an external site.
[2] "Use Less Water." Examples: Before and After. plainlanguage.gov. Available: https://www.plainlanguage.gov/examples/before-and-after/use-less-water/ Links to an external site.
[3] "Application for Federal Assistance." Examples: Before and After. plainlanguage.gov. Available: https://www.plainlanguage.gov/examples/before-and-after/application-federal-assistance/ Links to an external site.
[4] "Protect Yourself from Natural Disasters." Examples: Before and After. plainlanguage.gov. Available: https://www.plainlanguage.gov/examples/before-and-after/natural-disasters/ Links to an external site.