Style: Choppiness
Have any of your teachers ever told you that you sometimes produce choppy sentences? Have any of your friends ever received a graded paper only to find written in one of its margins the mysterious advice Reduce choppiness? Just what the heck is choppiness, and why is it so bad? How do you fix it?
Good prose is not only grammatically and mechanically correct, but is also pleasantly and consistently rhythmic, like a much-beloved poem or a favorite song. That is, it exhibits a natural flow from one sentence to another, one idea to another, one section to another.
If such rhythm is not achieved, the result is choppy writing ā writing that is monotonous, staccato, disconnected-sounding. How does choppiness occur? How can you avoid it? For starters, it might be advisable to ask an odd question: What does choppiness sound like?
Most sentences have a basic pattern:
subject + verb + object or complement
Sarah + is + the best technical writer in the class.
This is an example of a simple sentence. If you create an entire document filled with sentences using only this basic pattern, your writing will be choppy.
Take the second paragraph in this section, for example. If we revised it to use only simple sentence patterns, it would look and sound like this:
Good prose is grammatically and mechanically correct. It is also pleasantly and consistently rhythmic. It exhibits a natural flow from one sentence to another. It flows from one idea to another. It flows from one section to another.
Although the ideas are complex, this paragraph now sounds very much like the type of simplistic sentences found in old-fashioned first-grade readers:
See Spot run. Run, Spot, run. See Jane run. See Sally run. See Jane and Sally run. Run, Spot, Jane, and Sally.
Think itās an exaggeration that all choppy writing sounds alike? Read the āSee Spot runā sentences out loud, then do the same with the āgood proseā paragraph. Now hear the similarities?
Hereās another example of a choppy paragraph:
Wilson was born an aristocrat. He was brought up in a conservative family. He was trained as a Hamiltonian. He became the greatest leader of the plain people since Lincoln.
The original version of that example, as found in The Growth of the American Republic, is definitely not choppy:
Born an aristocrat, bred a conservative, trained a Hamiltonian, he became the greatest leader of the plain people since Lincoln.
To avoid or correct choppiness, use the following basic techniques.
Vary Sentence Structures
Use a combination of simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences.
Simple: uses one independent clause.
Cigarette smoke contains carbon dioxide.
Compound: uses two or more independent clauses.
Cigarette smoke contains carbon dioxide, and its effects can penetrate even oneās teeth.
Complex: uses one independent clause and one or more dependent clauses (adverb, adjective, or noun).
Cigarette smoke contains carbon dioxide, as well as other dangerous elements.
Compound-Complex: uses two or more independent clauses and one or more dependent clauses.
Cigarette smoke contains carbon dioxide, and its effects can even penetrate oneās teeth, causing dark stains.
Combine Shared Elements Through Coordination
To create a better rhythm and avoid unnecessary repetition to boot, see if there are any elements in your writing that can be combined, such as subjects, predicates, and direct objects. These items are identified in blue.
Combine Subjects
Garlic contains natural antibiotics. Onions also contain these substances.
Garlic and onions contain natural antibiotics.
Combine Predicates
The Great Wall of China was built entirely by hand. It took hundreds of years to complete.
The Great Wall of China was built entirely by hand and took hundreds of years to complete.
Combine Direct Objects
Your body requires macronutrients (fats, carbohydrates, and proteins). It also requires micronutrients (vitamins and minerals).
Your body requires \macronutrients (fats, carbohydrates, and proteins), as well as micronutrients (vitamins and minerals).
Use Transitions to Connect Sentences and Ideas
A transition links independent clauses to independent clauses, sentences to sentences, and paragraph to paragraph. Transitions indicate the relationship between ideas: however indicates contrast; as a result indicates cause/effect; furthermore indicates addition. In the examples below, the transitions are printed in blue.
Choppy:
Pesticides have contaminated much of our groundwater. They have left residues on much of the food we eat.
Not Choppy:
Pesticides have contaminated much of our groundwater; in addition, they have left residues on much of the food we eat.
Choppy:
The teacher caught three students plagiarizing their reports. She reported them to the Honor System.
Not Choppy:
The teacher caught three students plagiarizing their reports. As a result, she reported them to the Honor System.